Category: Life Tips

Why We Should Admit, "I Don't Know"

8/21/2021

Three of the most difficult words for many of us to say are, "I don't know."

Culturally and socially, we are conditioned to provide quick, confident answers as a sign of competence and leadership. As a result, there is considerable fear and shame around admitting that we don't know something.

For example, think back to when you were in school. If a teacher called on you for an answer, "I don't know" was not the answer they wanted or expected to hear. And often, it would elicit snickers from classmates.

In our careers, admitting we don't know something to our manager or clients makes us feel inept, inadequate, and uncomfortable.

Rethinking

7/24/2021

"Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open." - Ralph Marston

As humans, we like to feel that the ideas, beliefs, and opinions we hold are correct - and those opposing views of others are wrong.

We can often find the error in the ideas other people hold and feel driven to help them rethink their opinions. Still, we are much less inclined to realize that we, too, may benefit from letting go of our attachment to being right, opening our minds to new perspectives, knowledge, and insights so we can rethink and unlearn.

That is what the book, Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know by Adam Grant is all about.

Grant suggests that we gravitate toward three distinct styles of communicating what we think we know.

The Preacher: delivering sermons to protect sacred beliefs
The Prosecutor: determined to prove other people's reasoning is faulty and incorrect
The Politician: campaigns and lobbies to win people over to their side of an argument

These "professions" are designed to guard our beliefs so firmly that we shut down any contrary information. We further entrench our viewpoints and opinions through two psychological biases:

The Burden of the Mental Load

6/19/2021

In most relationships - even modern progressive ones - one person typically spends more time doing most of the thinking work or what's known as carrying the mental load.

Mental load is a term that refers to the invisible work done to manage and oversee a household and family.

Known for his research on relationships, Dr. John Gottman discovered a "magic ratio" of positive to negative interactions in every relationship. Five or more expressions of appreciation for every negative interaction keep a relationship strong.

Since the mental load is unseen by others, the time, effort, and energy of managing this ongoing work goes unnoticed and unappreciated. This lack of gratitude can unbalance the "magic ratio," resulting in a build-up of resentment and frustration.

The Importance of Self-Improvement

5/22/2021

Self-improvement is a valuable gift we can give ourselves. It's something we can benefit from at any age. It creates self-awareness, greater resilience and flexibility, a sense of direction, deeper, more meaningful relationships, the ability to identify and move in confidence toward our goals, and a happier, more fulfilled life.

Learning shouldn't take place only when we're in a school or educational setting. When we leave formal schooling, that's when we take it upon ourselves to continue to learn, grow, and improve ourselves.

Self-improvement allows us to identify what's resonates with us, pinpoint our innate strengths and outline opportunities for growth. It broadens our horizons and perspective, allowing us to (hopefully) see alternate viewpoints and ideas. It shines a light on who we are as a person, giving us a better understanding of what motivates us and frightens us. This personal understanding leads to a more meaningful relationship with ourself and, as a result, with others.

Personal development benefits us in our careers and workplaces, enabling us to communicate more clearly and in ways others can "hear" and understand. It can give us the skills to stand up for ourself and others, to take a risk, to explore possibilities, to have hard but open and honest conversations.

Wondering how you can embark on a journey of self-improvement? Here are seven ways to get started down the path of improving you.

1. Read
Find subjects that interest and intrigue you, or thing you don't know much about but would like to. It can be anything - cooking, art, social justice, history, writing, bird watching, gardening. Whatever the topic, there are sure to be many books from which to choose. For those who don't enjoy reading, most books are also available in an audio format.

The Importance of Self-Perception

4/23/2021

Self-perception is, simply put, how we view ourselves. This lens through which we view everything influences our mood, behavior, attitude, beliefs, and judgment. Suppose we hold a primarily positive view of ourselves. In that case, this spills over into how we view the world, becoming cyclical as it leads to even more positive behaviors, habits, and ideas.

Self-perception is a core component of our identity. When we achieve something like a degree, promotion, or other accomplishments, our confidence and perception of ourselves are boosted.

Individuals with positive self-perception are grounded in the (unconscious) belief that they are worthy, have value, and are intelligent and competent. People with negative perceptions of themselves tend to believe they are worthless, invaluable, and incompetent. Their self-talk is defeating, their self-esteem is diminished, and they see the world as more negative.

7 Types of Rest

3/20/2021

Did you know that sleep and rest are not the same thing?

Many of us believe we are rested when we've gotten a good night's sleep — but there are other types of rest we need and are desperately lacking. Many of us are enduring a rest deficiency because of the "constantly busy" culture that makes us believe we have to produce and achieve 24/7. Downtime of any sort isn't "socially" acceptable. And if we do take time to truly rest and relax, we often are left feeling guilty.

The result? A whole lot of constantly tired and chronically burned-out people.

Our society doesn't realize and recognize the power of rest. Rest is about rejuvenation, not just sleep.

An article on Ideas.Ted.com discussed the seven essential types of rest that every one of us requires.

Physical rest
This is the rest that immediately comes to mind, but it entails more than sleeping. Physical rest has two components. The first is passive, such as when we are sleeping or taking a nap. Active physical rest are times we engage in restorative practices such as yoga, getting a massage, or taking a leisurely walk. These activities improve flexibility and circulation.

Featured on Younger Podcast

2/13/2021

Recently, I was interviewed about the power of gratitude by Dr. Robyn Benson on Younger: The A.R.T. and Science of Youthful Aging podcast. My episode is called "Creating a Life of Joy Through Gratitude."

I share how my gratitude journey began on a walk with my grandmother.

Since then, gratitude has been a grounding place for me, a way of life that I've chosen. Gratitude is available to everyone.

There is a lot of power in practicing gratitude, proven by over forty scientific studies, including those by Dr. Robert Emmons. Feeling and showing appreciation positively impacts our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.

Six Tips to Feed Your Focus

11/28/2020

2020 has been a stressful year for many. The strain, worry, and anxiety has had a long shelf life...nine months so far.

There has been considerable research conducted that shows when people are under extreme stress, their ability to focus intently and retain information is greatly reduced. Cognitive agility is also negatively impacted. When the stressors are drawn out, the resulting effects have a more substantial impact.

Of 300 U.S. employees surveyed about how they've been faring during the year, 40% stated that they feel much less productive than normal. And no wonder – there has been nothing normal about this year.

The human brain adapts and responds better to stress that is intermittent. The continual anxiety and pressure we’ve been experiencing keeps our brain on high alert for potential threats. This autonomic process uses significant mental and emotional resources that we would typically access for work or social situations. Basically, this enduring stress causes our concentration capacity to be diminished.

Time Magazine recently offered these six suggestions for boosting focus and increasing attention span.

Are You Among The 88% That Do This When You Wake Up?

10/24/2020

When you wake up every morning, what is the first thing that you do? If you are like most of us, you reach for your phone.

Research conducted by Deloitte in 2016 has shown that 88% of people check their phone within the first hour of waking up. 43% of us are scrolling through emails, news, and social media within five minutes of rising, and 76% of us within the first 30 minutes.

The issue with that is, how we begin our day sets the tone for our creativity, clarity, and productivity. And pretty much nothing on social media, or even in our inbox, sets us up for success.

In the morning, we are at the height of our emotional, mental, and physical potential. This time is best used by focusing our heightened potential toward accomplishing our top priorities.

When we check emails, we instantly place ourselves in a reactionary state, becoming overwhelmed at all of the things we must do. Frequently, these tasks are not aligned with our top priorities, derailing us from concentrating on what is important.

The Art of the Apology

8/22/2020

We are all human and we all make mistakes. Apologizing when we hurt someone else intentionally or unintentionally is a vital skill.

Apologizing is hard. Admitting we were wrong is hard. Taking responsibility for hurting someone else is hard. Being vulnerable is hard.

But it is also a powerful reconnector.

An article in MindTools discussed how a sincere and properly delivered apology can go a long way to healing and rebuilding relationships.

An honest apology is more than just words. It shows remorse and acknowledges that your actions caused someone else pain.

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