Many of us are able to be kind and accepting of others but find it difficult to extend the same love to ourselves.

Numerous studies have shown that when we accept and appreciate who we are as a unique individual, our happiness quotient increases. People who practice self-compassion, who accept themselves - flaws and all – are significantly less inclined to suffer from anxiety and depression. Self-acceptance leads to reduced stress, a more optimistic outlook on life as a whole, and makes us more grounded and at peace.

Appreciating and accepting who we are as distinct, unique individuals can be tricky. After all, we are bombarded on a daily basis with images of what we should look like, about the glamorous and fulfilling lifestyles we should be living, about the amazing house we should own, the cars we should be driving, the high-powered careers we should have.

All of this perfection is unfounded and unrealistic but still, many of us buy into this ideal. We compare how we look, what we earn, what we own, and what we’ve achieved to all of those “perfect” people out there…and we fall frighteningly short.

This ingrained practice of comparing ourselves to others as well as to who society and the media tell us we should be is dangerously self-deprecating. The majority of us don’t measure up to these false set of societal ideals, causing us to believe we are “lesser than”.

“Don’t lose your real self in the search for acceptance by others.” ~Nishan Panwar

When we stop attempting to “fit into the world” and instead, give of our unique talents and embrace the authenticity of who we are, we can nurture a healthy self-image that helps us to accept and appreciate that being “us” is perfectly okay.

So, how do we begin to be our true selves and tune out all of the external expectations and input?

It starts with an intentional practice of self-love and acceptance. Below are four mindful techniques to achieving self-compassion and appreciation.
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​1. Forgive yourself
It is okay to not be perfect. No one is.Don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t risen up the corporate ladder fast enough (or at all), acquired that luxury home, married the perfect person, had those 2.5 children. But cultivating forgiveness of ourselves involves reframing how we think about life: what it means to be successful and disembarking from that societally-imposed, never-ending arduous journey for excellence.  We each need to decide on our own definition of personal success and discard unrealistic ideals that erode our self-worth and acceptance of self. This is the first step in forgiving.

After Steve Jobs passed away from pancreatic cancer in October 2011, there was a story circulating online that claimed to recount his final words. Though this enumeration has proven to be false, the thoughts and advice offered in Job's fake personal eulogy offer food for thought about how to live a successful and fulfilled life. Even though he knew they were not true, Jobs' "last words" inspired friend and billionaire Richard Branson, who posted them on his blog.

In a nutshell:

True inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world. What makes our hearts full and our lives meaningful is love, joyfulness, wonderment, gratitude, and a sense of purpose.

As we grow older, and hopefully wiser, we begin to understand that, whether we are wearing a $300 or $30 watch, they both tell the same time.

If the car we drive costs $150,000 or $30,000, we still travel the same roads and arrive at the same destination.

“We are facing a loneliness epidemic.”

According to experts, the lack of social connections could be as harmful to our health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

With social media and all of the connection it offers, you would think we would we all be reveling in relationships but instead, studies have shown that the more frequently we engage and use Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other platforms, the more we tend to feel socially isolated.

This issue is especially prevalent among young adults. Their primary connections are made through technology instead of face to face. This results in a lack of meaningful and fulfilling relationships and creates social isolation rather than a sense of belonging.

In a Ted Talk that discusses the top predictors of a long life, the top two were having close relationships – people you can rely upon when things get tough – and social integration –how many people you speak to and interact with throughout your day.

These two things far outweighed exercise, healthy eating, clean air, and a variety of other things one would think would play a major role in longevity.

To enhance not only our personal happiness as well as possibly extend our lives, it is important to cultivate meaningful relationships. This means in person. Face to face. Find people that you connect with on a deep level, that you enjoy being around and can share your innermost secrets with.
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And, it is equally vital that as we move through the world, we interact with people. Smile at everyone, engage in small talk with someone in line behind you, chat with the grocery clerk, make eye contact and say hello to people you pass as you walk down the street or in the halls at work. Both of these types of interpersonal connections will do more for our personal wellbeing than any amount of social media.

There is a place for social media but we’ve replaced authentic personal bonds and social integration with interacting superficially through our smartphones. This has resulted in many of us feeling more isolated and lonely than ever.
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Forget Facebook. Don’t spend another instant on Instagram. It’s time to turn off Twitter and interact with people in person.

Living your best life is your most important journey. ~Oprah Winfrey

Grateful Dead lyricist, John Perry Barlow, was also the founder of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, a nonprofit leading the charge in defending civil freedom in the digital environment by championing privacy, free expression, and innovation.

Barlow, who passed away in early 2018, had 25 principles for adult behavior that offer an insightful checklist for moving through life gracefully and with poise.

1. Be patient. No matter what.
It takes time to understand ourselves and others. It takes time for others to understand us. It takes time to learn, grow and change. Patience enables all of these things to occur in their proper time and in a healthy, open atmosphere.

​2. Don’t badmouth
Assign responsibility, never blame. Say nothing behind another’s back you’d be unwilling to say, in exactly the same tone and language, to his face.
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The best feedback is a conversation that opens up into a dialogue, developing new insights and ideas. The worst feedback is the “you’re wrong”, with no insight and no invitation to get into a dialogue.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist. That is all.
~Oscar Wilde

Life is a gift. When we wake up every day to that realization and do the things that really matter, we move from a place of mere existence to one of living.

So what DOES matter? Below is a simple formula for living your best life.​

Take care of yourself, body, mind, and spirit.
Learn from the past. Plan for the future. Live in the present.
Be kind, even to those who are unkind.
Take responsibility for your actions.
Realize mistakes are learning opportunities not something to beat yourself up over.
Listen more. Talk less.
Do something nice and try not to get caught.
Strive for excellence, not perfection.
Be humble.
Be gracious.

With all the beauty, opportunity and abundance life brings, there are many things that can cause us stress, worry, irritation, anger, and anxiety.

One of the simplest and best ways to help us manage these and other emotions is with our breath.

When we are overcome with negative emotions, our breathing becomes shallow. Our inhalations and exhalations are short, with only results in heightening the effects of the emotion we’re experiencing.

By breathing properly, our bodies and minds benefit in the following 5 ways:

1. Our muscles relax, reducing our physical tension
2. Oxygen flows throughout our bodies, improving our body’s function and mental focus

Digital media is everywhere and most of us are engaged in its use on a daily basis, both personally and professionally.

Digital media is defined by the Digital Media and Society report as “products and services from the media, entertainment and information industry, it includes digital platforms (websites and apps), digitized content (text, audio, video, images) and services (information, communication, entertainment) accessed via a variety of digital devices.”

Life as we know it has changed thanks to digital media, including how we connect and collaborate. Hyperconnectivity, the increasing digital interconnection of people and things, has done much to improve our quality of life including speeding up the dissemination of knowledge and information, building bridges over the boundaries of time and location, and fostering unparalleled levels of communication and social interaction.
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Many of digital media’s positive effects are found in our professional lives. We can collaborate and communicate more easily with people around the world. We can improve our skills via online courses. We can work virtually.

​So many of us utter this simple statement without realizing the impact it is having on our lives.
 
Our rationale for not being hopeful is that we are being realistic and rather than setting ourselves up for disappointment when our hopes fall short, we instead have steeled ourselves against the worst (and in our mind, probably the more likely scenario). 
 
According to psychotherapist Katherine Schafler, we validate this ‘emotional restriction as mature and disciplined.’ But what this avoidance of hope is really doing is dampening our decision-making, perspective on life and ability to creatively problem solve.
 
A quote by Zig Ziglar conveys how important hope is: “The door to a balanced success swings wide open on the hinges of hope and encouragement.”

Resilience, the ability to recover quickly from adversity, is a skill that proves its worth throughout our lives. The characteristics of this personal toughness include:

• They practice mindfulness and purposefully pay attention to their life
• They possess a solid self esteem
• Recognizing that this too shall pass
• Use past successes to confront current challenges
• Not comparing themselves to others
• Realizing setbacks and adversity are stepping stones to transformation
• Finding humor in every situation
• They relinquish control

Harnessing the capacity to recover from difficult times is critical for healthy childhood development but this characteristic is often needed most as we enter midlife. During this time, life can serve up innumerable stressors: divorce, loss of a parent, financial concerns, illness, or obstacles in our careers.
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Thankfully, with the perspective gained from life experience as well as the ability to better manage emotions, those in their middle years possess characteristics and behaviors that may allow resiliency to be more easily developed.