Listening is an important part of communication but is also one of the most difficult skills.
 
When someone is speaking to us, there is a delay between what we hear and what we understand. During this time, we begin listening to our own internal conversation and as a result, our ability to comprehend what the speaker is saying declines.
 
This lag time can be a result of our physical or emotional state but odds are, it is due to our own thoughts and opinions that we seek out of every conversation to support our own personal beliefs. Called confirmation bias, this tendency causes us to only listen for what we want to hear.
 
Often, people also employ competitive listening in which they hear something they believe to be false. This causes a negative reaction, listening ceases and communication breaks down.
 
Listening requires dedicated concentration and a willingness to understand what the other person is saying. To achieve understanding, we have to listen to comprehend rather than listening only with the goal to reply. Understanding does not necessarily mean we have to agree but when we are able to recognize and appreciate another viewpoint, communication flourishes.
 
Below are 7 tips on how to listen to understand rather than listening to reply.
 
1. Eliminate or minimize distractions
Turn off phones, televisions, shut the door. Do whatever is needed in your current environment to limit outside distractions. Take a deep breath and relax. Make yourself comfortable. ​If you’ve been caught in a place where you are unable to listen without distractions or an important topic comes up during another conversation, set a future date to discuss that topic. 

​Brené Brown is considered one of the biggest ‘thought leaders‘ of the modern era. Wife, mother, author, teacher and speaker, she has done extensive research into what it means to live a wholehearted life. She has discovered that there is ‘no amount of success, money, power or influence that buys you a free ride‘ in dealing with personal vulnerability and shame.
 
Through her studies, she has discovered that these two emotions keep many people from being authentic. We work to become who we believe others want us to be rather than being our true selves. When we don’t live up to certain standards put upon us by society, we feel ashamed and lesser than.