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Great Expectations

4/23/2022

Expectations are resentments waiting to happen. - Anne Lamott

Our expectations determine our experience. And more often than not, reality doesn't live up to our expectations.

By definition, expectations are the hope of what may be.

We expect to lose 15 pounds, get that big promotion, ace that exam, or make X salary.

We expect our spouse/partner to make dinner, notice the dirty countertop, or cheer us on while running a marathon.

We expect our coworker to be detail-oriented, inquire about our weekend, or volunteer to help with an important project.

We expect our manager to express appreciation for our exemplary work and provide helpful constructive feedback.

We expect our vacation to be a dream trip filled with excitement, romance, sunkissed days and star-filled evenings.

Instead, we experience something very different. An ongoing battle with the scale, a solid B on the exam, a different promotion, and falling short of that income increase.

How We Converse: More Than Meets the Ear

3/26/2022

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone, and it was so easy and fun? When it was over, you walked away thinking, "Wow! What a great conversation!" How about exchanges that feel awkward, or maybe you felt misunderstood and frustrated?

Communication is an essential part of life. We communicate with family, friends, strangers, coworkers, and many others.

We share information, solve problems, agree on a course of action, and socialize through communication.

Yet so often, because of different styles of communicating, our meaning and intention may be lost or misinterpreted by others, leading to misunderstandings and, at times, conflict.

Uptalk: The Way Women Speak has Benefits

2/25/2022

Below is an excerpt from an article published by InHerSight and written by Cara Hutto that delves into the topic of uptalk.

If this term is new to you, it basically refers to the tone and pattern of female speech. For years, women have been counseled to shift and alter their normal way of speaking to be "better heard and taken seriously" by speaking with more masculine speech patterns. But this article challenges this advice, saying that women shouldn't have to shape shift to better fit within a patriarchal environment.

Uptalk & the Important of Normalizing Women's Speech Patterns

Uptalk, also called upspeak, is a linguistic term usually associated with how women speak. Many professionals advise women to eliminate the style of speaking entirely in order to be taken seriously in and out of the workplace, but this ill-advised guidance stems from patriarchal, sexist beliefs.

Here, we’ll walk through what uptalk is, how it's often perceived in the workplace, research on its benefits (yes, really), and the importance of normalizing women's speech patterns.

What is uptalk?
Dr. Kami Anderson, an interculturalist and linguist, says, “Uptalk is a lilt that is commonly used to soften communication. It’s a way that people use paralanguage, or the sound of their voice and intonations, to appear more friendly, personable, and approachable.”

Basically, it’s when sentences have a rising intonation at the end that causes statements to sound like questions. And although it’s used by both men and women, women seem to draw the short straw when it comes to criticism of the speaking style. Uptalk can even become a protection mechanism for women in order to avoid coming across as overbearing or bossy—sexist adjectives commonly used to undermine women leaders.

Another related linguistic style is called a vocal fry, a style in which a voice is dropped to its lowest natural register, which produces a creaking sound. And due to sexist ideas of what professionalism means, women are deemed unprofessional when their voice doesn’t fit into what is expected of them in male-dominated spaces.

Completing the Stress Cycle

1/22/2022

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes- including you. - Anne Lamott

Stress is a common experience. We encounter stress at work, at home, in our social lives, and relationships.

As defined by socratic.org, stress is a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances, whereas stressors are the factors that cause stress.

In the book, Burnout, The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, authors Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, reveal that removing the stressor doesn't negate the stress. To alleviate or mitigate the stress we feel in our mind and body, we have to move through the emotional stress cycle.

This insight is valuable because there are often stressors in our lives over which we have no control.

Feeling Burned Out at Work? You're Not Alone

12/18/2021

In 2021, 42% of women and 35% of men state feeling constantly burned out at work. A new report suggests that pressure put on women to balance work and childcare is leading to disproportionate and painful levels of strain.

The annual Women in the Workplace report from McKinsey & Co. and LeanIn.Org found that the gap between women and men who say they are burned out has nearly doubled in the last year. The survey polled more than 65,000 North American employees, revealing that 42% of women and 35% of men reported feeling burned out often or almost always in 2021, compared to 32% of women and 28% of men last year.

The pandemic has placed considerably more responsibility on women than men, especially those with young and school-aged children. Many women have been forced from their jobs when childcare was unavailable during the early days of the pandemic.

5 Minutes to Stress-Free Decisions

11/20/2021

I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions. - Steven Covey

Decisions are part of life, both personally and professionally.

We make hundreds of them everyday without thinking about it but there are some decisions that are harder to make than others.

Have you ever had to make an important decision and had very little time to make it?

Odds are, that left you feeling anxious and seriously stressed out.

This recipe of making a tough call on a tight deadline means we can’t take the time to think things through, or do the research we’d like to help guide us in arriving at a decision. This decision-making pressure cooker environment can also lead to worrying about the fallout of the choice we make.

In a recent Inc. Magazine article, Jeff Steen shares his 5-minute, 4-rung ladder rule as a way to dial down the stress involved with making (and worrying about) tough personal and professional decisions.

Rung #1: Ask two questions

Will this decision have a measurable or noticeable impact on my people, my company, or society?
Is this decision time-sensitive?

If the answer to both questions is NO, there is no need to make a hasty decision. You can take time to weight the options and gather more information.

If you answer YES or MAYBE to one of the questions, move to Rung #2.

The Power of Intentionality

10/23/2021

Our intention creates reality. - Wayne Dyer

Studies have proven that happy, successful individuals have a set routine and habits that keep them focused. One of these practices is taking time each morning to set a daily intention.

Harvard Business School Professor and author Francesca Gino, has conducted considerable research on the science of intentions. She says that setting daily intentions creates a ritual that moves people toward accomplishing their goals. by increasing self-discipline and self-control. And, when we commit those intentions to paper, not only do we remember them, we set ourselves up for action.

Practicing intentionality helps alleviate stress, creating a feeling of inner peace and assuredness that provides a fresh perspective. An intention is simply a promise we make to ourself. Setting aside time to contemplate our purpose for the day ahead allows for the opportunity to collect our thoughts and make a commitment regarding what we want to achieve. It is also about thoughtfully stepping into our attitude and behavior. This positive intention can involve our health and wellbeing, self-care, our career, education, hobbies, social activities, family time.

An intention is a simple statement and should focus on one thing each day. Setting a daily intention starts with the statement, “Today I will…”

You Are Enough

9/25/2021

Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security, or love – you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.
~ Eckhart Tolle

Every person has value, yet we seek validation from others to prove that we have worth.

We need outsiders to tell us that we are intelligent, funny, attractive, talented, brave, successful, important…the list goes on.

By placing your worth in the hands of outsiders, you will be obligated to return to them time and again every time you need validation.

Why is it that we believe these sentiments from others but not from ourselves? Our “inside voice” is more likely to criticize and condemn, to tell us that we aren’t enough.

This simply isn’t true.

Why We Should Admit, "I Don't Know"

8/21/2021

Three of the most difficult words for many of us to say are, "I don't know."

Culturally and socially, we are conditioned to provide quick, confident answers as a sign of competence and leadership. As a result, there is considerable fear and shame around admitting that we don't know something.

For example, think back to when you were in school. If a teacher called on you for an answer, "I don't know" was not the answer they wanted or expected to hear. And often, it would elicit snickers from classmates.

In our careers, admitting we don't know something to our manager or clients makes us feel inept, inadequate, and uncomfortable.

Rethinking

7/24/2021

"Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open." - Ralph Marston

As humans, we like to feel that the ideas, beliefs, and opinions we hold are correct - and those opposing views of others are wrong.

We can often find the error in the ideas other people hold and feel driven to help them rethink their opinions. Still, we are much less inclined to realize that we, too, may benefit from letting go of our attachment to being right, opening our minds to new perspectives, knowledge, and insights so we can rethink and unlearn.

That is what the book, Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know by Adam Grant is all about.

Grant suggests that we gravitate toward three distinct styles of communicating what we think we know.

The Preacher: delivering sermons to protect sacred beliefs
The Prosecutor: determined to prove other people's reasoning is faulty and incorrect
The Politician: campaigns and lobbies to win people over to their side of an argument

These "professions" are designed to guard our beliefs so firmly that we shut down any contrary information. We further entrench our viewpoints and opinions through two psychological biases:

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